When Bianca Burge became a mum for the first time three years ago, she thought she knew what to expect.
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As a midwife, all those around her had every confidence she would take to motherhood easily.
But the former Deniliquin woman believes that expectation and pressure actually contributed to the post natal depression she experienced.
The main cause, however, was the disjointed sleeping patterns of both her sons.
It was through seeking professional help that Mrs Burge has found a new calling in her professional life, as a sleep consultant.
‘‘Oscar is three now and I had a very traumatic birth experience with him, resulting in an emergency caesarian,’’ Mrs Burge said.
‘‘I then had real trouble breast feeding.
‘‘I developed post natal depression about two weeks after he was born.
‘‘Oscar would cat nap during the day and wake multiple times during the night. As a result, I started feeding him multiple times a night but he would still scream.
‘‘Looking back now, I realise he was screaming because of a stomach ache, because I was overfeeding him.
‘‘I now know, having a bit more knowledge on newborns and sleeping, that I did not recognise what were the tired signs and what were the hungry signs.’’
Mrs Burge relied on her personal support networks — family, friends and colleagues — in those early months after Oscar was born, but when he was about six months old enlisted the help of a sleep consultant.
‘‘When I spoke with someone about it, I was told that depression in midwives is statistically higher because everyone feels like we have the skills and so we are mostly left to our own devices.
‘‘I would find that by about 5pm each afternoon I would just shut down. In those moments, I would feel like I just did not want to be a mum.
‘‘I started to think ‘why am I the only one who seems to be struggling’, but I have since learned there are so many women who feel like this.
‘‘After I got a sleep consultant I felt like I finally had more control, but I still did not get a real handle on things until Oscar was about seven or eight months old.’’
The next few years were easier for Mrs Burge, but she soon realised that even with her new coping tools there was no guarantee she could avoid the post natal depression.
‘‘When Oscar had spurts of grumpiness and sleeplessness I found the depression would rear its head again.
‘‘Hugo is now 15 months old and he was a dream baby. But again, about two weeks after his birth, all those feelings came back.
‘‘Hugo’s sleeping then became bad, and I just didn’t know why I could not get control this time.
‘‘He got to about three months before I sought help, and then when he was four months old I decided I would become a sleep consultant.
‘‘I thought if I can do this, I could help other women and families going through what I’ve been through.
‘‘I want to give women those tools they need to be in control, so this year I established Plan B Sleep Consulting.’’
Mrs Burge said the most important thing for women to know is that motherhood can be difficult and that techniques for gaining that control can differ from child to child.
‘‘It is important to know that the newborn stage is difficult, and it is a shame that not all parents will talk about that.
‘‘Post natal depression does not discriminate, and it can come at the most horrendous times.
‘‘Experiencing it myself was a shocking thing, but also a blessing in disguise because I realised just how many women don’t recognise the signs of post natal depression.
‘‘My advice is to try and enjoy your newborn as much as possible, and understand that it may take three or four months for your baby to settle.
‘‘If after that time you feel something is still not right, reach out for help.’’
Mrs Burge and her husband Peter left Deniliquin for the Bellarine Peninsula in 2016, soon after they learned they were pregnant with Oscar.
Mrs Burge had been a midwife at Deniliquin Hospital and said as well as wanting a “sea change”, she wanted to progress her career at a larger hospital.
■ The Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia National Helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 7.30pm, and is available by calling 1300 726 306. Anyone requiring crisis support can contact NSW Mental Health Line on 1800 011 511, Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 224 636.
Senior journalist