This is the fifth article in a Pastoral Times series by Jacquie Marshall called ‘Looking back with Jac’.
Hold tight - we’re checking permissions before loading more content
The subjects of this column are Daphne and Ken Greaves, who recounted a life filled with family and a passion for helping others.
•••
I cannot think of two more beautiful people than Ken and Daphne Greaves.
Not only because of the love they created with each other and their children, but also the community by helping anyone in need.
I’m lucky enough to have personally known the family, growing up friends with their daughter Kerrie. We are still friends to this day.
The family were so kind to me when my world fell apart, losing my mother at a young age and the farm life was a real treat for me.
Daph was born on February 13, 1942 and was the daughter of Mick and Nell Higgins.
Ken was born on May 26, 1937 and was the son of Agnus and Keith Greaves.
Daph had two brothers who have both passed, and we’ll leave Ken’s siblings until later in the story for a big finish.
Both had wonderful childhoods filled with family and sport.
Daph loved tennis, netball and cricket. Her cricket days were under the guidance of the great Mary Loy.
Ken moved to Deniliquin with his family when he was 15.
He later worked on some farms and then joined the CSIRO where he worked for 23 years before managing a men’s shelter for the homeless.
It opened in 1982 and operated across from Coles on Hardinge St, but has long since closed.
The pair met at a Deniliquin Rams football match, when Daph’s brother Roger Higgins was playing.
Daph and Ken’s sister Nola were already friends. Their paths crossed and the rest is history.
Not one to say too many words, Ken smiled and nodded his head and quietly said, “Yeah that’s how,” extremely happy with himself.
“We also saw each other a lot at church,” Daph said.
It would be a place, along with St Vincent de Paul, the pair would devote their life to.
When I asked them how long until they were engaged, they both giggled while trying to remember.
Daph worked out that she was 17 when they started dating, and 19 when they got married.
They have been married 63 years and say the secret to their longevity is “that they still care about each other very much and they can talk about everything”.
When I suggested a big party is on the cards in two more years, they both laughed. But they didn’t say ‘no’ - start getting organised kids.
The couple spent their honeymoon “travelling down through Gippsland.”
“We went to the Melbourne Cup on the way back as Ken was good friends with Roy Higgins and he was racing that day,” Daph said.
When I asked Daph if she had a win, she began shaking her head and frowned.
“Ken said ‘while we are here, you’ll have to have a bet on a horse’.
“I did and the horse I took broke down.”
That was enough for Daph.
During the time Ken was working, Daph was helping her dad on the farm.
Before the couple settled with children they spent two years as missionaries in New Guinea, teaching and educating children.
“I had been before,” Ken said.
“It was a rewarding experience.”
When they decided it was time for children, Daph discovered she was unable to have her own.
“I had a burst appendix when I was young, which prevented me from being able to have children,” she said.
“What was missing in our life then was family,” she conceded.
So down the adoption path they went and ended up with five beautiful children, two boys and three girls.
“It was quite an easy process back then,” Daph and Ken said.
“The kids all came from various regions, and ranged from newborns to six months old when they came.”
They both light up talking about their children - they know the day, the time, the way they came and even how hot it was on some of the days.
So much love was in their hearts for each child from the second they met.
“When they asked us how many we said 4, 5, or 6”
“When we first applied we asked for a boy, then the next time we asked for a boy and then we changed to the girls,” Daph said.
The kids were all raised on the farm and Daph said “they loved growing up on the farm with all that freedom”.
The children were all very sporty and the family was heavily involved with Little Athletics.
Ken was recently given an award by the Deniliquin Little Athletics Club for his time spent with the association over the years.
He continued helping with the running of the club and the athletes long after their kids were finished.
Daph recalled taking many road trips and camping with Little Athletics and said “it was a really fun time in our lives”.
Vinnies has also benefited from Ken and Daph’s commitment to community.
Ken has been involved for 65 years and began in the St Vincent de Paul Conference.
“Frank Kelly asked me initially,” Ken said.
Daph has been involved for 34, when it became Vinnies and women were invited to join.
Ken’s initial role was gathering food and clothing to take it to people in need, either after work or over the weekend.
When asked what they found most rewarding about working for Vinnies Ken’s immediate answer was “helping people”.
And Daph was quick to follow with “being there for people”.
They have a long association with the Deniliquin St Michael’s Church and school.
Daph sits on the parish council and Ken previously led a teen group.
In regards to the cost of living crisis, Daph describes the current request for their services as “the worst it’s ever been”.
“The upside is the centre is receiving great support. The community has always been wonderful supporting the centre here,” she said.
“This support enables us to accommodate the needs of people in the community requesting our help.”
“Coming off the back of COVID and then the cost of living, its been hard for people to get started again.
“Rent is a big factor that is making it hard for people, for some half their income is spent on rent.
“Our greatest strength for a lot of people is just having a listening ear for them.”
Growing up, Daph fondly remembers post-church family catch ups as highlights.
“We would go to mass and then we would have big extended family picnics in the park every Sunday,” she said.
She finds she misses that terribly now, even though it was so simple to do.
“I find it sad now that life is so busy or so spread out and people have passed; you don’t get the opportunity like we used to.”
Ken’s favourite memory is also about family but from just a few weeks ago, when he had all his brothers and sisters come to the White Lion hotel.
Owner Maria Strongman is one of Ken’s sisters.
“The catch up was with nine of us in total. All are alive today, and six of the nine are over 80,” he said.
“There are five girls and four boys.”
One of his other sisters Thelma (Wharton) worked at the Pastoral Times once upon a time.
As for life now, the pair said “Vinnies keeps us active and there’s a need from people”.
“A lot of people can work out their own issues if they just have someone to listen to,” Daph said.
“You can’t tell people what to do but you can put options there for them, it’s up to them if they wish to take them.”
It is also so rewarding for Daph and Ken seeing people they have helped when they are back on their feet, and working their way through life on a new path.
“People can change,” Daph said.
A beautiful thing that came out of our conversation was that Daph and Ken knew my mother.
“You are the spitting image of your mother; when you’re sitting here it’s like I’m talking to her,” she told me.
I cannot tell you how much that made my heart sing, as I have no recollection of my time with mum or any memories.
Without knowing it, Daph gave me a precious gift that day. I am so proud to be like my mum, and my dad.
On the final note Daph and Ken go to the heart of their definition of life saying, “family is so important”.